Christmas was lovely this year. I am putting down the bad memories and making new ones, better ones. Last year I had to paint the deck of the house we were selling on this day, Dec. 26, so that it would pass inspection. It was not a good day to paint. But, I did it and it passed inspection. But, it left a bad taste in my mouth.
I have a tendency to do more than my share. In some relationships that is good thing, I am thoughtful and considerate, I am appreciated. But, in other relationships that leaves me vulnerable to be taken advantage of, used. Being used is not a good feeling.
For a long time I confused my duty as a Christian and trying to be a good person with allowing myself to pick up the slack for others. I am learning that there is a difference between helping and letting myself be walked over. Problems created by not having boundaries and letting mself be used is that the user doesn't get the graces they need to handle their own situations, doesn't get the saatisfaction of solving their own problems, doesn't learn how to help and be a good person.
I have also learned that doing too much is a little bit controlling. Or maybe it is a lot controlling. I never really mean it as control, but I suppose when working with someone who doesn't see it my way, I would prefer just to get the job done than to do it a way that doesn't fit my ideas.
Instead of painting the deck myself, I could have let the inspection fail. Maybe it would have resulted in a better sale of the house. Or maybe we would have taken less money. Or maybe we could have hired someone and delayed the sale by a month or two. Since I was paying all of the expenses for the house, I didn't feel that it was in my best interest to do that. So, last year on Dec. 26th I painted the deck of a house I was selling with someone else. But, this year, I am warm a cozy and I don't think I will go outside.
I have a tendency to do more than my share. In some relationships that is good thing, I am thoughtful and considerate, I am appreciated. But, in other relationships that leaves me vulnerable to be taken advantage of, used. Being used is not a good feeling.
For a long time I confused my duty as a Christian and trying to be a good person with allowing myself to pick up the slack for others. I am learning that there is a difference between helping and letting myself be walked over. Problems created by not having boundaries and letting mself be used is that the user doesn't get the graces they need to handle their own situations, doesn't get the saatisfaction of solving their own problems, doesn't learn how to help and be a good person.
I have also learned that doing too much is a little bit controlling. Or maybe it is a lot controlling. I never really mean it as control, but I suppose when working with someone who doesn't see it my way, I would prefer just to get the job done than to do it a way that doesn't fit my ideas.
Instead of painting the deck myself, I could have let the inspection fail. Maybe it would have resulted in a better sale of the house. Or maybe we would have taken less money. Or maybe we could have hired someone and delayed the sale by a month or two. Since I was paying all of the expenses for the house, I didn't feel that it was in my best interest to do that. So, last year on Dec. 26th I painted the deck of a house I was selling with someone else. But, this year, I am warm a cozy and I don't think I will go outside.