On the feast day of St Nicholas my daughter in law had the sad news that one of the twins is no more. It is just gone. Apparently, until blood tests and ultra sounds in the first trimester this vanishing twin syndrome was not much known. It is being seen more and more these days, probably not because more twins are being lost, but rather, they are known about before one is gone.
I didn't think there was a possibility of losing one of the twins because I saw the ultrasound pictures of equal sized babies with both equally strong heartbeats. They had separate and well formed embryonic sacs. They first trimester was nearly over. Twins were expected. Then at the next ultrasound there was no sign of two babies. There was one.
Because this is a first pregnancy and first babies/ baby for my daughter in law and first grandbaby for me, we celebrated the twins and announced the twins. And now we have to grieve the loss of the one. When I first heard about the loss, it seemd like the most devastating news. My heart broke that my dear daughter in law had gone to this appointment alone. My heart broke that I will never know or see that lost child until heaven.
But, that baby will never know fear or pain. That lost lamb was loved, is loved. The remaining child isn't due until June. He or she will be a celebration. The shadow of the sibling who disappeared into heaven should be faded so that grief doesn't mark the baby's birth. In the scope of things, this is a sadness, but we will survive.
Because I am a ponderer who doesn't just forget things and move on easily, I am already figuring ways to honor this baby's short life. I have some lamb ornaments for my Christmas tree. I have decided that they honor the lost baby. If the parents name the baby, then I will of course remember him or her by that name. Until the baby is named, I thiink of him/her as Nick, St Nicholas Day was the day we knew he or she was gone. My little lost lamb Nick.
I didn't think there was a possibility of losing one of the twins because I saw the ultrasound pictures of equal sized babies with both equally strong heartbeats. They had separate and well formed embryonic sacs. They first trimester was nearly over. Twins were expected. Then at the next ultrasound there was no sign of two babies. There was one.
Because this is a first pregnancy and first babies/ baby for my daughter in law and first grandbaby for me, we celebrated the twins and announced the twins. And now we have to grieve the loss of the one. When I first heard about the loss, it seemd like the most devastating news. My heart broke that my dear daughter in law had gone to this appointment alone. My heart broke that I will never know or see that lost child until heaven.
But, that baby will never know fear or pain. That lost lamb was loved, is loved. The remaining child isn't due until June. He or she will be a celebration. The shadow of the sibling who disappeared into heaven should be faded so that grief doesn't mark the baby's birth. In the scope of things, this is a sadness, but we will survive.
Because I am a ponderer who doesn't just forget things and move on easily, I am already figuring ways to honor this baby's short life. I have some lamb ornaments for my Christmas tree. I have decided that they honor the lost baby. If the parents name the baby, then I will of course remember him or her by that name. Until the baby is named, I thiink of him/her as Nick, St Nicholas Day was the day we knew he or she was gone. My little lost lamb Nick.