I have always attended to the part of the Creed that said--a holy nation, a people set apart....
I have always thought--"That is me." I am set apart. I have often felt different than my peers, than even my family. I hold myself apart. That separation I have created between myself and others has also caused me great pain and loneliness at times. I longed to be a part of a group that I didn't fit into. I have been a little girl in search of belonging for most of my life.
In my family I am the oldest child and that set me apart as a "little mother." I liked that, but not always the responsibility that came with it. I was made the responsible one. That set me apart and both weighed me down and made me proud.
I struggled through my teenage years to make sense of my commitment to Christ and the life of the world. I really tried to figure out how to live as a committed Catholic woman. Most of the Catholic girls my age didn't seem to get it. I met some Protestants who were committed to Christ, but they didn't understand the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist. While I loved to pray with them, I had no desire to worship with them.
As an adult Catholic woman I have found sisters in Christ. Our lives have journeyed with each other and we are sisters in Christ. But, I also sometimes find myself with people who don't have the same faith I have. I find myself laughed at and told I am "too deep" by some people.
At spiritual direction last time we talked about not skimming the surface but going into the deep of faith. I am drawn to the deep. I am not satisfied with the surface. I long for some companions who are drawn to explore our faith in a deeper way. I long to walk with Christ more closely each day. I long for friendships of prayer and faith.
I have been praying about my apartness and my longing for belonging. Life is about the journey. I am on the path to heaven and I long for companions along the way. But, I have to recognize that I have those companions. I am not in the desert. I am exploring the possibility that some of the apartness I feel comes from me.
And that is as far as I am prepared to go with this today.
I have always thought--"That is me." I am set apart. I have often felt different than my peers, than even my family. I hold myself apart. That separation I have created between myself and others has also caused me great pain and loneliness at times. I longed to be a part of a group that I didn't fit into. I have been a little girl in search of belonging for most of my life.
In my family I am the oldest child and that set me apart as a "little mother." I liked that, but not always the responsibility that came with it. I was made the responsible one. That set me apart and both weighed me down and made me proud.
I struggled through my teenage years to make sense of my commitment to Christ and the life of the world. I really tried to figure out how to live as a committed Catholic woman. Most of the Catholic girls my age didn't seem to get it. I met some Protestants who were committed to Christ, but they didn't understand the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist. While I loved to pray with them, I had no desire to worship with them.
As an adult Catholic woman I have found sisters in Christ. Our lives have journeyed with each other and we are sisters in Christ. But, I also sometimes find myself with people who don't have the same faith I have. I find myself laughed at and told I am "too deep" by some people.
At spiritual direction last time we talked about not skimming the surface but going into the deep of faith. I am drawn to the deep. I am not satisfied with the surface. I long for some companions who are drawn to explore our faith in a deeper way. I long to walk with Christ more closely each day. I long for friendships of prayer and faith.
I have been praying about my apartness and my longing for belonging. Life is about the journey. I am on the path to heaven and I long for companions along the way. But, I have to recognize that I have those companions. I am not in the desert. I am exploring the possibility that some of the apartness I feel comes from me.
And that is as far as I am prepared to go with this today.