Love One Another (Empathy)

One characteristic of narcissism is the lack of empathy for others. A short description of empathy is the inability to see things from an other's point of view.  Lack of empathy can cause very bad behavior because there is little or no consideration of "the other."  Often times, in my experience, people without empathy could be described as "jerks."  And the irony is, that a person who has empathy would resist labeling someone as a jerk and would try to see things from the other person's perspective.

Empathy is necessary to truly love someone. This is why the "love" of a narcissist is found wanting.  They cannot fathom how another person feels, so they consider themselves, and only themselves.  Being "loved" by a narcissist or loving one is an exercise in frustration.  You give and give and give and they take and take and take and then they take some more and tell you that you are not giving enough.

I have had close personal contact for periods of years with narcissists.  I tried to make them love me, to do what they wanted so they would love me, to change myself so they would love me.  It didn't work, doesn't work and I have blamed myself for being unlovable.

I have recently come to the understanding when Christ exhorted us to love one another, He was talking about love and empathy.  To care for and about other people is love.  I don't know what creates a narcissistic personality.  But, I have come to accept and to understand that if they don't love me, it is not about me.  I am called to love them anyway, but I don't have to keep banging my head against the wall.