Disappearing, Reappearing

I have been doing a great deal of self reflection lately. Probing questions will do that to a person.  Upon reflection I have discovered that I am willing to undergo a great deal of pain and emotional turmoil for the rest of the world to think I got what I wanted and that I was happy with my choices.  That changed recently and now I am looking back at all of it and trying to find my authentic self.

I have a feeling that my authentic self is the person God made me to be.  She is the person with talents and energy and drive.  She doesn't worry about being a role model or how things look, because she is living the life God called her to and that is all that matters.  Ultimately, this self will bring her joy and serenity and these will be shared with the people around her so that she will be the role model and the things will look fine.

But finding her again, that authentic me, is sometimes a challenge.  Sometimes I have her right there and I think--just like riding a bicycle, right back at it, and sometimes I feel lost and confused and have to look around for her.  But, it helps to pray and to talk to God about it.  It helps to remember that I am not alone.

I have a lot of cool stuff to look forward to in this life.  I have all of eternity to look forward to after this is done. Right now I am relearning to spread my wings and believe I can fly.