My mother is 92. She is a proud woman. She is interested in a variety of things and tries to keep active in body, mind and spirit. I admire my mother and have developed a pretty good relationship over the years. We had a rough ride in some of my growing up years. Oil and water or sandpaper or too much alike in some ways and too much different in others.
But, as she says, in recent years I am becoming the "mother." I go with her to the doctor. I call her every week and wonder if I should start doing that more often. I worry over the little memory losses and the losses from the ranks of her friends and family. I notice more repetitions and less logical thinking. There have been a few slips of memory that have shaken me up.
Mom lives in senior apartments, has passed her driver's license test again this year, shops and cooks for herself. But she doesn't have the energy she used to. Some things have slipped a little. It is only to be expected. One of those things that has fallen a bit is cleaning up the apartment. It is a combination of energy, ambition, vision, and standards that have caused some areas to be neglected. This has caused me some concern which I mentioned to my siblings.
My farthest away brother mentioned to Mom via telephone call a couple of weeks ago my plan to look into some kind of housekeeping service for her. Mom was not happy with that idea or with me. So Friday when I went up to visit and help her clean, she met me exhausted, the apartment as clean as I have ever seen it recently. As I tried to work on some things, Mom fussed and tried to help me move chairs and vacuum. I gave up the cleaning because she was becoming too tired. She was too tired to eat that evening and went to bed exhausted.
The next day she seemed okay. But, my cleaning plan about killed her, I think. My sister was up the next day and we agreed to low key the cleaning thing. I was really frustrated. After I got home I sat and prayed with my frustration. I can only conclude that I can't change my mother. She is a proud woman and I am not the boss of her. But, I am in charge of myself. It has been revealed to me that I need to learn to accept help when it is offered and to give up that pride that I share with my mother. I need to let people help me especially as I age. (And if my son offers to find a housekeeper for me next week or any week after, I need to wrap my arms around him and say, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!")
But, as she says, in recent years I am becoming the "mother." I go with her to the doctor. I call her every week and wonder if I should start doing that more often. I worry over the little memory losses and the losses from the ranks of her friends and family. I notice more repetitions and less logical thinking. There have been a few slips of memory that have shaken me up.
Mom lives in senior apartments, has passed her driver's license test again this year, shops and cooks for herself. But she doesn't have the energy she used to. Some things have slipped a little. It is only to be expected. One of those things that has fallen a bit is cleaning up the apartment. It is a combination of energy, ambition, vision, and standards that have caused some areas to be neglected. This has caused me some concern which I mentioned to my siblings.
My farthest away brother mentioned to Mom via telephone call a couple of weeks ago my plan to look into some kind of housekeeping service for her. Mom was not happy with that idea or with me. So Friday when I went up to visit and help her clean, she met me exhausted, the apartment as clean as I have ever seen it recently. As I tried to work on some things, Mom fussed and tried to help me move chairs and vacuum. I gave up the cleaning because she was becoming too tired. She was too tired to eat that evening and went to bed exhausted.
The next day she seemed okay. But, my cleaning plan about killed her, I think. My sister was up the next day and we agreed to low key the cleaning thing. I was really frustrated. After I got home I sat and prayed with my frustration. I can only conclude that I can't change my mother. She is a proud woman and I am not the boss of her. But, I am in charge of myself. It has been revealed to me that I need to learn to accept help when it is offered and to give up that pride that I share with my mother. I need to let people help me especially as I age. (And if my son offers to find a housekeeper for me next week or any week after, I need to wrap my arms around him and say, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!")