Did I really say I would write about humility? What was I thinking? It is a hard topic when balanced with pride which is an original sin of mine. Pride is a weed that I am trying to remove from my garden and the cure seems to be humility.
Pride was an insidious weed in my garden. It was sneaky, not easily recognized by me. Pride was a shield and a defense for me. I have to say that for most of my life, I suppose I thought pride was actually a virtue or at least would lead to virtuous actions. But, now that I can recognize it, I can see all the pain and heartache it has caused me over all these years.
For me pride was a sin against the first commandment. I thought that I had to be responsible. I thought that it was up to me. I thought that I got here through my efforts. Perhaps that isn't a problem for some people, but for me, I didn't give God all the glory and all the honor and all the credit. I thought that perhaps I deserved things, had earned things, should be rewarded for efforts. This feeling was in deep, so deep I didn't recognize the problem, the sin in it.
When I started to recognize my pridefulness, I was devastated at first. I thought that all the actions that I had taken out of pride were mistakes and didn't know where to turn. But, God granted me more insight as I embraced humility more and more and I have come to see that many of the decisions I made or things I did due to pride have turned out well in God's greater plan for my life. My "mistakes" were turned to successes. The main thing that my pride caused me was my own sorrow and anguish. Sin will do that to a person.
Because pride runs deep in me, because it is an original sin of mine, sometimes I feel like I am on shaky ground. I find myself unsure of which way to turn because it might further lead to pride. Humility is a grace I pray for, a longing of mine.
Pride was an insidious weed in my garden. It was sneaky, not easily recognized by me. Pride was a shield and a defense for me. I have to say that for most of my life, I suppose I thought pride was actually a virtue or at least would lead to virtuous actions. But, now that I can recognize it, I can see all the pain and heartache it has caused me over all these years.
For me pride was a sin against the first commandment. I thought that I had to be responsible. I thought that it was up to me. I thought that I got here through my efforts. Perhaps that isn't a problem for some people, but for me, I didn't give God all the glory and all the honor and all the credit. I thought that perhaps I deserved things, had earned things, should be rewarded for efforts. This feeling was in deep, so deep I didn't recognize the problem, the sin in it.
When I started to recognize my pridefulness, I was devastated at first. I thought that all the actions that I had taken out of pride were mistakes and didn't know where to turn. But, God granted me more insight as I embraced humility more and more and I have come to see that many of the decisions I made or things I did due to pride have turned out well in God's greater plan for my life. My "mistakes" were turned to successes. The main thing that my pride caused me was my own sorrow and anguish. Sin will do that to a person.
Because pride runs deep in me, because it is an original sin of mine, sometimes I feel like I am on shaky ground. I find myself unsure of which way to turn because it might further lead to pride. Humility is a grace I pray for, a longing of mine.